The Butter Toast

One of those morning coffees…

When I was younger I used to love having a butter toast for breakfast… that melted butter on a hot toast that just popped out of the toaster was heaven…

But… when you are a mother -specially a mother of two little girls under 2 years old- those special moments of solo enjoyment are no longer an “alone” time… or an enjoyable one anyway… it becomes a survival time: you just need to eat something to keep going.

Now, my mornings -or at least most of them- are as follow:

– I put the bread in the toaster,
– I hear my almost 2 years old toddler screaming in the living room,
– I go to assist my toddler by getting her something for her that it is out of her reach,
– Once there, my toddler tells me she wants me to change the channel on the TV, so I go on the youtube videos, pick her favourite show and now I’m waiting for the “loading” sign to go away – meanwhile I just heard my toaster expel the bread… “my bread must be very hot” (I think to myself)…
– The chosen video appears on the TV but my toddler tells me she doesn’t want Mickey Mouse now (you see, she changed her mind in those 10 seconds) so she asks me for The Wiggles…
– Again, video “loading”…
– And I think to myself: “my bread is getting cold”
– Yes! Wiggles on the TV! Toddler is happy.
– I go quickly to the kitchen while I hear her clapping singing the ABC song…

As suspected the bread is cold, but I put the butter regardless… and yeah… it didn’t melt… definetly the butter is cold in a cold bread… but I am ready to eat it when–
– My daughter is calling for me again -not sure why!… I just hope I can at least have my coffee hot… but the chances are not very high… but let’s be optimistic!

My dauhter calls for me one more time in a louder voice, so I sigh and go to check on her… while I hear in the background my newborn crying…

It is 8am/9am/ 10am (you pick) and I haven’t even managed to have a decent cup of coffee.

Is this normal? Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of my life? I can’t even think of what to cook for lunch and – worse – dinner…

This is motherhood at its best!

Finally my toddler is happy, my newborn is asleep again, I managed to eat my toast in between and I am here, praying for my coffee to be hot and… it is!

Oh! Thank God for the pleasure of that sweet hot cup of coffee knowing the madness of the day ahead.

My toddler is dancing (“head, sholders, knees and toes”) smiling and waiting for my smile back… and I smile back at her and think of how my life has changed in just a couple of years…

I think of my mum who raised my brother, my sister and me: she must have had times like this… it is now my turn with my own daughters… Some day in the future, God willing, my daughters will go through this too with their own kids. And it hits me how time goes fast with no hope of coming back.

I remembered months ago when I was so worry about how to transition my 5 months old to a cot… or when I was worried about the ten thousand posibilities of allergies she could have when I started feeding her solids (normal first time mum anxiety)… and remembered when she crawled… stood up… walked… talked… kissed… etc.

I sighed buried in my memories while I’m sipping my coffee and watch my toddler dance the “baby shark” song looking at me again smiling knowing mama is here with her, not knowing the inmensity of the love I feel while she waits for my smile back… so I smile back, put my cup and the empty breakfast plate aside and start singing and dancing with her before real house work time starts…

And I know then, while my toddler giggles loudly (which wakes up my newborn again) that these years will pass fast, and she won’t be this little for to long now; that she will start school, she will work, then maybe get married, move out of home, maybe move to some other country like I did and my parents did as well and, only then, I will be able to have my melted hot butter toast… but then I might also have and empty living room: very clean, very tidy, but no nursery rhymes, nor smiles…

So for now, I’ll learn how to eat a cold butter toast because my daughters are enough to warm up my heart.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” Ecclesiastes 3:1.

This is the time to be a mum constantly needed by her children…

Let us rejoice in it! God is with us!

God bless you.

Liza, A Maronite Mum.
Written on November 2018.

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