What are you doing, God?

“What are you doing God? Why nothing is making sense in this world?” Then God answers -I believe- but I don’t understand… “His ways are not my ways” it’s a very popular adage that we tell ourselves as people of faith when nothing makes sense.

Meanwhile I continue with my labour: being the mum of my 3 little kids… specially my middle girl who has being sick for a few days.

All started with a bad nappy change and nappy rash. My daughter’s language is very limited because of her age so I cannot really communicate with her properly to explain to her why mummy is causing her pain while I clean her irritated skin and spread some soothing cream. She is crying her eyes out and I just kept reaffirming her that I know she is sore and that I love her… but it really doesn’t make any difference: I am causing her pain while fixing the reason of her pain which I didn’t really cause.

When I finished she looked at me with her red cheeks and waterly eyes and said the few words that she actually says well: “What did you do…?”… and her words sunk inside my heart like a rock hard to swallow.

“What did you do?” I heard in my mind again and again during the day. And I try to hug her and spoil her more than normal during the day.

Then, her fever came back so it’s time for some medicine. Same issue: she cries, she says no, she sais “mumma no”… but eventually I managed to give it to her. Then I hugged her while she cried unconsolable.

“What did you do?”… she didn’t say it this time but I could hear it again in my head and see the recrimination in her sad eyes.

And now that she is asleep and the silence inundates my normally very noisy home, i feel a bit broken inside because I can’t communicate with her. I want to explain to her why she is in pain and that what mummy is doing will eventually make her feel well even though she is in pain now.

“I am trying to help you!” I want her to understand, but she won’t, so I just have to be strong enough to do my job while she thinks what she thinks but compensating it with extra love and cuddles during the day.

“What did you do…?” Sounds familiar too… because I’ve asked this question to God so many times myself. What did you do God? Why are you allowing all this to happen? What is Your Plan? What are you doing to us? The World needs Your Mercy, Lord! What did you do?!

And I know You are saying something, I know you love me but now the World is hurting, we don’t know what is going on… But I saw you answering my question through my daughter. Her pain is my pain and my pain is Your pain. I know You are hugging me and lifting me in Your arms but I am to busy crying and complaining because of what You are doing…

“What are you doing, Lord?”

And it seems like I can hear you in my own words to my daughter: “I know you are hurting, I love you, you’ll understand soon enough… I know what are you going through, I love you… I LOVE YOU” says the Lord.

…

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
Matthew 11; 28-30.

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“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Luke 3: 16.
…

Read that again: “For God So Loved The World”…

GOD LOVED… HE loves you.

Keep that in mind.

———

Liza, a Maronite Mum
May 2020