I am tired.
I know… you’ve heard this before so many times. I know it’s being a while since the last time I prayed to You praising You, thanking You… All my prayers (if any at all) are short and angry or short and sad or just short… just saying: “God!!!!”…
But Oh My Lord I AM tired… I am tired of people’s anger, of people’s selfishness… I am tired of double standards and pressure… I feel unconfortable when someone puts presure on me by telling me if I do or don’t do something I might cause irreparable damage to people I love with all my heart but at the same time my mind is racing and I honestly don’t know what to do, what to think, who to believe, who to ask…
Laundry basquets get full… then they get empty…
The washing machine it’s running non stop… and also my dryer…
The sink is always full of dishes whether I clean them every 5 min or just at night with a sigh, thankful that my kids are healthy and noisy, grateful that they are jumping and screaming, full of joy with the cuddles and smiles… but God, I am tired.
The noise of the World is overwhelming. Your absence is crushing, my Lord. “Where are you?” I ask but I know you are here. I know… I honestly know…it is ME who, somehow, closed the door to you.
Dear God, I cannot pray a single prayer anymore. Maybe this letter is a prayer enough?
You say to me: “Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7.
I feel so anxious that I can’t pray and your peace is not fulfilling my heart…
But then I remember You are also saying “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not frightened, neither be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
But, oh my Lord, there is so much fear outside in the world. If I breath I can kill -they say- and I look at my family and hold my breath… away we are from family and friends. The world is in so much pain. And I have to focus on these 4 walls: my home, my family, the domestic church You are asking me to look after no matter what the noise is outside in the World.
“The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27: 1
Oh my Lord, Yours is the Glory! I KNOW!
“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” Revelations 1:8.
You are the Alpha and the Omega. No Delta can defeat You if I put my Trust in YOU, if I truly hear Your message left on the cross and on the empty Tomb.
“For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8, 32-39
Let us focus on our Domestic Church. God is in charge. Our children awaits us. Leave everything else in Gods hands.
God bless you.
Liza, a Maronite Mum.